Yes, it's actually been 4 weeks since I joined the ranks of the Wombless Wonders, and I am amazed and surprised by some of the things I've learned...
* people waiting in pre-op are sitting ducks for students nurses wanting to "practice" for their IV certification.
* I have a 2-poke limit, after which I get bitchy and insist that the supervisor put the damn thing in.
* it hurts to knit with that many holes in your hand.
* the quality of hospital food seems to have deteriorated since my last stay 10 years ago, for an emergency appendectomy.
* however, they now attempt to make it seem better by providing menus with "clever" names for the food.
* in hospital-ese, "ham with gourmet sauce" = inedibly salty meat with heated applesauce.
* this is no way to seduce those with fragile appetites back to the dining table.
* no matter how surreal your morphine/gravol induced fog may feel, it can always be made more so by the addition of a few long-term elderly patients to the acute surgical care ward.
* it's even more surreal when one of said long-term patients has a penchant for warbling song tunes at all hours, usually with nursing staff participation (imagine "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" at 2am, with a nurse hollering, "Come on, Bill, sing us another chorus").
* 2 full days in hospital is considered a luxury, and the second day must, in fact, be bargained, nay, pleaded for.
* when they say 'major' surgery, they mean it.
* when they say 'no heavy lifting', they mean it.
* I am more of a control freak than I knew. And I mean it.
* I am also a bad patient, which surprises me. All my life I have nursed images of myself as a lady of leisure, sitting and knitting and reading, sipping my mint juleps and having 'people' do things for me. The reality is that I HATE having people do things for me. Yet another myth disspelled.
* I am, however, extraordinarily grateful to have people who will do things for me, and sincerely hope that my control issues were relatively well controlled. If not, I blame the morphine, pure and simple.
In addition to the many life lessons, I have been knitting, and will have pics next time, which I promise won't be another 4 week wait - OKAY, MOM???!!!