Monday, November 03, 2008

4 weeks and holding...

Yes, it's actually been 4 weeks since I joined the ranks of the Wombless Wonders, and I am amazed and surprised by some of the things I've learned...

* people waiting in pre-op are sitting ducks for students nurses wanting to "practice" for their IV certification.

* I have a 2-poke limit, after which I get bitchy and insist that the supervisor put the damn thing in.

* it hurts to knit with that many holes in your hand.

* the quality of hospital food seems to have deteriorated since my last stay 10 years ago, for an emergency appendectomy.

* however, they now attempt to make it seem better by providing menus with "clever" names for the food.

* in hospital-ese, "ham with gourmet sauce" = inedibly salty meat with heated applesauce.

* this is no way to seduce those with fragile appetites back to the dining table.

* no matter how surreal your morphine/gravol induced fog may feel, it can always be made more so by the addition of a few long-term elderly patients to the acute surgical care ward.

* it's even more surreal when one of said long-term patients has a penchant for warbling song tunes at all hours, usually with nursing staff participation (imagine "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" at 2am, with a nurse hollering, "Come on, Bill, sing us another chorus").

* 2 full days in hospital is considered a luxury, and the second day must, in fact, be bargained, nay, pleaded for.

* when they say 'major' surgery, they mean it.

* when they say 'no heavy lifting', they mean it.

* I am more of a control freak than I knew. And I mean it.

* I am also a bad patient, which surprises me. All my life I have nursed images of myself as a lady of leisure, sitting and knitting and reading, sipping my mint juleps and having 'people' do things for me. The reality is that I HATE having people do things for me. Yet another myth disspelled.

* I am, however, extraordinarily grateful to have people who will do things for me, and sincerely hope that my control issues were relatively well controlled. If not, I blame the morphine, pure and simple.

In addition to the many life lessons, I have been knitting, and will have pics next time, which I promise won't be another 4 week wait - OKAY, MOM???!!!


Carol said...

It's been 4 years since I joined the WW. The recovery bit is a pain, but you'll enjoy the rest of it. So nice to hear that hospital food hasn't deteriorated since my last sojourn there ... take care of yourself, rest, and really--no heavy lifting. You'll be way glad you followed THAT rule. Happy knitting!

Sandra said...

GLad your back and doing better. I'm the same kind of patient - hate having people do things for me, but in reality, you have to let people do things for you. Morphine is great is so many ways, including being the scapegoat for bad behaviour! And the 2am singing? Truly surreal...

Maureen said...

Hope you're taking it easy and that recovery is coming along.

Julie said...

Hugs on the surgery and I hope you're feeling better soon.

You know, I never think I'm a bad patient - I just demand competent care. Apparently that makes me a demon from hell. Maybe you're my kind of people?